Planning Your Own Funeral. The Possibilities are Endless.

I’m now seven months into my doctor’s 8-12 month prognosis.  I believe I’m going to be on the long end of that range yet it still seems prudent to do a little funeral planning.

I started with the basics:

  • Cremation or burial?  Cremation.
  • Church or elsewhere?  Elsewhere.
  • Traditional religious music or Jerry Jeff Walker?  Jerry Jeff Walker.

But then it dawned on me that this is the ultimate party planning opportunity.

I don't care much for parties so I would never plan one for myself or request anything elaborate if I had to attend one in my honor.  I’ll be at this one - kind of - but will have neither hosting duties nor the burden of small talk.

And this is not just my party, it’s my final party…my last wishes.  No one denies last wishes.

So this is like a grown-up game of Simon Says.  If I request that everyone wear a funny hat, then funny hats it shall be.  Who wants to be the dick who shows up without the hat Chris wanted…it was his final wish.  I say “Jump!” and funeral goers say “How high?”.  Cool.

I have complete control over the content.  I can pick out the most flattering pictures of myself and ban all others.  And I’m the sole DJ so get ready to hear Chris’s favorite tunes cranked just a little louder than you’d expect at a funeral.

Of course, the really big question is whether to craft a message from the other side.  Why trust someone else to deliver a flattering eulogy when you can do it yourself?

The ultimate would be to record it now and play the video.  Hmm…too creepy I think.

Next would be to have a friend deliver it.  That could work but it might be confusing for the attendees: Are these his buddy’s comments or Chris’s?

Right now I’m toying with the idea of contracting it out.  If I can find and actor who looks and sounds a bit like me then I can give the audience the pleasure of a live show but ensure that I pre-approve every word.

No one ever fact-checks a eulogy, do they?


  1. Does this mean I don't get to sing?

    1. Correct. But your more talented spouse and children get to.


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